Here are three things I will never regret doing as a trauma parent:
1. Finding a trauma mom friend.
This saved me. I can text or call her, and she gets me. She just knows. No explanation. No judgement. She meets me where I am…in the dark lonely trenches of adoption. Sometimes we sit in the quiet and cry together. Sometimes we talk about meanless things because thats all I can do. And sometimes, I pour my heart out onto her. She is there in the ugly and beautiful, in the silence or raging screams, in defeat and victory, on my closet floor or in a coffee shop. She is there. For just me.
2. Keeping connections through MarcoPolo.
Trauma parenting is incredibly isolating. Find a way to stay connected to those most important to you, and make it easily acheivable. Try to balance your topics, so your needs are met, but not always focused on the hard. Say all the things…’I miss you’, ‘you matter’, ‘thank you for being patient with the limits in this season of my life’, ‘I love you’, ‘remember when…’, and ‘I can’t wait until we can _____ together’.
3. Date days with my partner.
We are walking through fire together. We have to take steps through calm, peace, and quiet, so we can hold on to our connection. Date days, date nights, weekend get aways, parent only vacations, late nights with snacks and movies after the kids go to bed. Do what you have too. Marriage and partnerships are 80% more likely to end in divorce and separation among families with trauma affected children. After your kids are grown and gone, you and your partner are who is left. Fight that fight. Protect what’s important.
From The Trenches Of Adoption,
Rebecca
